I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
