There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize