I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
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There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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