i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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