Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize