Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
