you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
