so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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