Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
try to milk me bitch
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