I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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