So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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