my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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