Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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