She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I fill condoms, not promises.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
