My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
