Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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