i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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