I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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