great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
