Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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