I wish I could teleport
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
COCAINE IS GR8
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I have peed in a lot of sinks
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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