Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
