I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
