I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
