My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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