I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
