I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize