Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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