bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
