i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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