We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
