Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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