I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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