Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
