I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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