Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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