FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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