I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
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