I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
