Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
