I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
