You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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