when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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