So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
being pregnant is like rehab
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
