Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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