I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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