how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
