I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
