He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
