take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
