I cockslap morals
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
NoShamevember. You game?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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