bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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