I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
