He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
