So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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