Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
