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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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