mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm really into asian looking animals
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
