i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
