i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i can't believe i had my finger in that
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My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
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the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
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You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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