Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
