just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
