She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
