Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
