So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
