onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
