Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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