well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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