so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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