Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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