He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
