Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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